Who is Alice?

I met Alice my freshman year of college. It was most likely about 3am mid week (although such details can not be substantiated) all I know is no one else was awake. In the hallway of the dorms we started chatting, well more accurately mocking. Some people thrive on dorm life. We are not those people. There are little construction paper decorations with glitter in the hallways that change as the seasons pass. Then there are the endless pictures of people on the walls participating in water balloon tosses and three legged races. Its bit like kindergarten but with liquor.

So there we were twin insomniacs trapped in a floor full of estrogen mocking the latest pictures from the last "mixer." The theme from friends should have been playing in the background. We've been relatively inseparable ever since.

We worked together at both Dominos and Subway in college where no one we worked with could ever tell us apart. I understand we are both relatively tall and rubinesce but really...at the time she had short oddly colored spiky hair and mine was long and blonde it is still a mystery where the confusion lied. Those that could tell us apart often thought we were sisters.

As time has passed we have changed from same person, to sisters and now an assumed lesbian couple. A few short weekends ago we were attending a party where a former Winona allum was (as I was convinced) trying to get us to finance a building. Then after torturing us with his optomistic attitude for over an hour with a completly straight face he says, "So how long have you two been a couple?"

There was no...are you gay? Are you together? It just must have seemed like fact that we are obviously an old married couple. I can't completely fault him on his assumption because after further evaluation Alice has been and will likely be my future "date" for every new years, valentines day and anything adressed as Annabelle and guest.

Since our friendship has now graduated to married couple Alice has been pushing for a domestic partnership so she can have better health insurance and a membership at my kick ass gym. I was able to talk her down to an all expenses paid trip to my 10yr high school reunion instead. She admitted got a raw deal.

Since talking about the similarites between Alice and I would be long and tiresome I will highlight our differences instead.

• She likes onions
• She has a serious aversion to dog hair...and an even bigger aversion to dog drool
• She unscrews the cap of her toothpaste even if it has a flip top
• She does not use air conditioning

Yup that pretty much sums it up.