From Another World

Greetings my name is Benjamin, and my alien name is....Well to pronounce it you would have to have two tongues and four mouths.

I've become assimilated with American YOuth culture and find Pizza amazing. When I'm not harvesting brains and Butts for the mother ship, I tend to listen to slayer and eat Pizza, occasionally (more like every two days) I try something different and eat Burritos while listening to the Avett Brothers. I still haven't mastered eating upside down without spilling all over my carpet. I know what your thinking, and yes what do Aliens need carpet for? Its simple really, and the anwser is: It sure beats bare floors?

Do you eat Pizza and watch the movie 300?
Ben

***Actual picture and message from okcupid

A little less fat

So I have totally fallen off my weight loss bandwagon. Gone are my first three months of obsessively tracking my food and having guilt cross my mind each time my lips decent on an alcoholic beverage. Gone are the days of packing my lunch. I haven't been on a treadmill in 4 months.

My goal for the move and all this insanity was to not gain any weight and quite frankly I've rocked it out.

Total weight loss since I moved....9.4lbs. Which puts me at a total loss of 38.7lbs. Which is starting to be quite a respectable number. 71.1 to my total goal.

I want to get back in to running since its good for my psyche. I purchased a new shuffle to replaced the broken one, I have treadmills in my gym and tons of sidewalks to run on once the weather gets better. I've given permission to my local pals to begin harassing me to join them on races.

I have another date tonight. I'm so freaking popular. I love the people here, I love my apartment, I love sleeping in my bed which even fits in my bedroom. Life is good.

Now if someone would just unpack all these bloody boxes that are littering my dining area.

OKC strikes again

hey how are you doing today

[11:38:40 pm]lilpenggwen81:hi im good

[11:38:42 pm]lilpenggwen81:you?

[11:39:10 pm]lilpenggwen81:im talking to a crazy person (not you)

[11:39:47 pm]chauvinistguy:how is he crazy?

[11:40:08 pm]lilpenggwen81:she talks like shes reading a shakespear book

[11:40:10 pm]lilpenggwen81:very odd

[11:40:21 pm]chauvinistguy:thats funny

[11:40:37 pm]lilpenggwen81:actually said, "I know not"

[11:40:46 pm]lilpenggwen81:and merriment

[11:41:05 pm]lilpenggwen81:i think im just going to let that conversation die

[11:41:07 pm]lilpenggwen81:anyways how are you

[11:41:39 pm]chauvinistguy:good, although a lot of girls on this site have been harassing me

[11:42:03 pm]chauvinistguy:this site is filled with just downright horrible women

[11:42:36 pm]lilpenggwen81:harassing you?

[11:42:41 pm]lilpenggwen81:what did you do :P

[11:42:52 pm]chauvinistguy:harassed them back

[11:43:19 pm]lilpenggwen81:well they deserve it then

[11:44:02 pm]chauvinistguy:I always thought that women were supossed to be more courdious and more nice than men

[11:44:17 pm]chauvinistguy:like back in the olden days

[11:44:25 pm]lilpenggwen81:oh god no

[11:44:27 pm]lilpenggwen81:women are bitchy

[11:44:39 pm]chauvinistguy:women should act like how they were back in the day

[11:44:51 pm]chauvinistguy:which is why I am against feminism

[11:45:01 pm]chauvinistguy:because of the way women are

[11:45:04 pm]lilpenggwen81:those kind of girls are few and far between

[11:45:35 pm]chauvinistguy:I would be for feminism if women would change their ways

[11:45:49 pm]lilpenggwen81:we wouldnt get along

[11:46:01 pm]chauvinistguy:and accept guys for who they are and be polite and humble

[11:46:09 pm]chauvinistguy:why not?

[11:46:19 pm]chauvinistguy:It seems like we are now

[11:46:51 pm]lilpenggwen81:i can accept you for who you are, and i can be polite but i certainly dont agree with you

[11:47:10 pm]chauvinistguy:how so

[11:47:43 pm]chauvinistguy:women have to change their way and not act like how they do. Its destroying our society

[11:47:52 pm]chauvinistguy:and I care for society as a whole

[11:48:02 pm]chauvinistguy:nothing wrong with that

[11:48:57 pm]chauvinistguy:did you read what I said

[11:49:23 pm]lilpenggwen81:exactly what actions are women doing that is destroying our society?

[11:50:10 pm]chauvinistguy:you said that women were bitchy and because of that thats why people should not suport feminism because of how things are now

[11:50:49 pm]chauvinistguy:If women change their ways and act like how they did back in the day then we should then support feminism

[11:50:58 pm]lilpenggwen81:can you define your view of what feminism is for me?

[11:51:08 pm]chauvinistguy:feminism was ok a long time ago, but not now

[11:53:45 pm]chauvinistguy:its women having equal rights as men. I say that the bitchy and high maintenance women should have less rights as men and the women that are nice and decent and are humble and not materialistic should have equal rights as men

[11:54:40 pm]chauvinistguy:I meant less rights than men where it says less rights as men

[11:54:44 pm]lilpenggwen81:which rights should be taken away?

[11:55:59 pm]chauvinistguy:for those trendy high society high fashion women that are shallow we should take away their right to work and their right to lots of money because they are being stupid with it

[11:56:15 pm]chauvinistguy:not all women just those kinds of women.

[11:56:37 pm]chauvinistguy:decent women would still be able to work

[11:56:49 pm]lilpenggwen81:seems like that would be hard to monitor

[11:56:49 pm]chauvinistguy:and have all of the same rights as men

[11:57:10 pm]chauvinistguy:I want to rob Paris Hilton

[11:57:23 pm]chauvinistguy:and defile her for being the way she is

[11:57:39 pm]lilpenggwen81:do you know her?

[11:57:59 pm]chauvinistguy:I don't tolerate shallow choosy materialistic gold digging bitchy women

[11:58:09 pm]chauvinistguy:no I do not but if I did though

[11:58:31 pm]lilpenggwen81:sometimes there is more to people than you may originally think

[11:58:38 pm]lilpenggwen81:i personally dont know paris

[11:58:41 pm]chauvinistguy:they are ruining this society which I care so much about

[11:58:46 pm]lilpenggwen81:so i cant say if that is true for her case

[11:58:56 pm]lilpenggwen81:but i like to give people the benifit of the doubt

[11:59:09 pm]chauvinistguy:and the same for the Kardashians

[11:59:17 pm]chauvinistguy:I want to steal from them

[11:59:44 pm]chauvinistguy:and give the money to the people in Darfur

[12:00:00 am]chauvinistguy:I am fucking Robin Hood

[12:00:16 am]lilpenggwen81:i see

[12:00:49 am]chauvinistguy:now how awesome is that steal from the rich and give to the poor

[12:00:56 am]chauvinistguy:I want to do that

[12:02:37 am]chauvinistguy:More people should be like robin hood

[12:02:48 am]lilpenggwen81:you need a band of merry men

[12:02:58 am]lilpenggwen81:would you wear tights?

[12:02:58 am]chauvinistguy:yes I do

[12:03:17 am]chauvinistguy:no I would not. I would wear baggy pants

[12:03:45 am]lilpenggwen81:im not sure baggy pants are good for theivery

[12:03:47 am]lilpenggwen81:you might trip

[12:04:11 am]chauvinistguy:well how they would be is they would not be long but just baggy

[12:04:21 am]chauvinistguy:so I can store shit in them

[12:05:10 am]lilpenggwen81:like paris hiltons dogs?

[12:05:57 am]chauvinistguy:yeah her small dogs I could steal and give them to some poor boy or girl thats never had a pet

[12:06:31 am]chauvinistguy:If only I could rid the world of shallow women

[12:07:11 am]chauvinistguy:Its like we need to purify humans in order to keep this society together

[12:07:45 am]chauvinistguy:human beings are like art and a drawing

[12:07:54 am]lilpenggwen81:what about shallow men?

[12:08:13 am]chauvinistguy:same for them. I also hate shallow men as well.

[12:08:21 am]chauvinistguy:Those jocks

[12:08:46 am]chauvinistguy:They are just as bad as the shallow women

[12:09:56 am]chauvinistguy:well I got to go. I will be creating a new user because I want to change my username

[12:10:34 am]lilpenggwen81:ok bye

[12:10:42 am]chauvinistguy:bye

Advanced notice would be nice

Before someone comes home with you they should let you know if they are a biter. I'm just saying.

Wow

First impressions....

Is he missing teeth?

No that's just a very big gap between his front two teeth....wait he smiled, no hes definitely missing some teeth...oh and the ones that are left aren't winning any beauty contests either.

Am I this vain....

yes I am.

He talks a lot. About "the war" about being a genius, about working for the CIA of insurance companies, about being on medication...

He does not say thank you when the waitress refills his glass.

Ewww he just said he had magic fingers

Did he really just excuse himself to smoke in the middle of a meal?

Why isn't work calling me? Why isn't Alice calling me? Why did I not plan an out when I knew I would need one?

Ill go with tired that's right, long day at work, little sleep.

No you can not come back to my place.

No I will not make out with you.

I'm sorry your train isn't for another 2 hours, maybe you shouldn't have Chicago listed as your location when you actually live in carol stream.

Oh god hes talking about the war again and how he was beaten and participated in undercover operations at 15 because he looked older and could speak 7 languages.

Uhuh so you have a lesbian life partner and you only sleep together rarely...

JESUS!

No I'm really tired and I thought we were just going for dinner. Sure you can text me.

(not to self program number as do not respond)

I've never been so happy to be home in all my life. This is why I don't online date.

Time to go back to women.

I dont wanna

You know you dont want to go on a date when you have to leave in 20minutes and your makeup isnt done, you smell like smoke, you are wearing dirty jeans and you have absolutely no intention of changing any of it.

I chatted with this guy last night on ok cupid. He sounds horrible but in such a freakish way I was intrigued. Hey new experiences right? That all sounded well and good until this afternoon when I realized

1. Its cold and I dont want to leave my house
2. Im really tired
3. I rather stay in and dye my hair
4. He is probably too progressive to buy my dinner
5. And I have absolutely no intention of every sleeping with this person...ever....EVER

So my plan was to nonchalantly suggest a reschedule, I guess he is allready in the city and wanted to move the time up. I suppose the quicker it is over the better.

Braver than usual

After work yesterday I got my hair cut and went out for happy hour drinks with all of the 3 people I know in Chicago.

No one else really wanted to go out and with 3 beers already in my system I decided that tonight was the night I was going to go to a bar alone. I went home, fed the dogs refreshed my makeup and was out the door in about 15minutes before I had time to change my mind.

My first stop was roscos mainly because I was cold and I had physically been there before. I ordered a drink, had a seat at the bar and realized I was the only girl there. Then some snotty gay guy came up, tapped me an sneered appearance I had taken his seat. I downed my drink and left...this was not going well.

Bar 2: Sidetracks
I liked it better, trendy nice glasses friendly bar tender that chatted with me for a bit. I was still sitting alone futzing with my phone and waiting to get drunk enough to talk to strangers. I heard my name. I look over and there is one of my employees sitting around drinking with his friends. I stop over trying to save some face and left yet again as soon as my drink was finished. I went out for a cigarette trying to plan my next move when my luck turned.

I butted into a conversation of fellow smokers. All of them were recent transplants as well and they invited me to hang out for the night. We had so much fun. I chatted I drank I flirted.

Bar 3: Spin
Drunk, I remember drag queens and shamelessly hitting on the bar tender. I remember stumbling to the bathroom, talking to basically anyone I ran into. Dancing, singing some lady gaga and falling into a cab at 3am to get home.

Today:
So hung over. So worth it.

In other news I have a date tomorrow with a guy who sounds rediculous but its not like I have anything better to do anyways.

I also think I will have a date/possibly friend date later this week with a gal from the interwebs. She sounds fun and adorable so much more hope for that situation.

So yes life is good.